If you've been following my social media channels,you've probably come across my comedic skits highlighting the contrasts between being a dad today versus in our parents' era.
It astounds me how the role of a dad has evolved in just a generation. My dad, while very good for his time, wasn't nearly as involved in daily parenting as I am today.
In our current society, not only are many dads expected to be the primary earners, but they're also expected to shoulder household and parenting responsibilities equally.
This shift, which sees dads spending much more time with their children, I think is massively positive.
However, I think this comes with its challenges.
And let me clarify this isn't a "who’s got it harder - dad versus mum" discussion.
Both roles come with their unique pressures, and both are equally challenging.
Pressures to Provide
The pressure to provide financially isn't new for dads.While the increasing number of working mothers has offered some relief,inflation has often offset these gains.
And unlike many in the previous generation who would have been pretty much done for the day as soon as they walk through the front door, for many of us, our job is just one aspect of a demanding day.
As soon as we walk through the front door, there’s housework, bath time, bedtime and putting up with Cocomelon for an a hour.
Which is how I think it should be, but this is very different from what most of our dads experienced, so I think it’s important to recognise it.
Also, most dads now recognise the challenges of stay-at-home mothers, so they choose to go home after work and put a shift in,rather than heading to the local pub like some of our dads might have.
And to be honest, I’d probably have my balls put in the oven if I did that every night.
We Care Way More Than People Realize
There's a recurring comedic narrative on social media which suggests that while mums spend all day worrying about the family,the dads’ thoughts are solely preoccupied with their favourite football team (up the irons!)
But believe me, dads worry a lot:
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What if I lose my job?
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Am I being a good dad and husband?
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We need to pay the electricity bill.
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How am I going to balance work and family?
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I need a beer.
We might not openly express our vulnerabilities,often putting on a brave face. This can, unfortunately, be misconstrued as we don’t give a shit.
But let me be clear – I spend a lot of my day worrying about this stuff, so we deeply care.
Mental Health Impact
These pressures inevitably impact our mental well-being,so I think its hugely important to look after ourselves more than ever.
I've personally adopted habits like regular gym sessions, cold showers, a balanced diet, and content creation. These are routines I think help me a lot in being the best version for my family.
Remember, "You cannot pour from an empty cup."
Initially when I became a dad, I lost my way and I put self-care on the back burner.
But I now recognize that a fulfilled, content parent can offer so much more to their family.
The Power of a Side Project
As I've mentioned in previous newsletters, diving into the world of social media has been quite the ride for me.
The growth, the engagement—it's all been mind-blowing. But what's been game-changing is how this purposeful project has bolstered my mental health.
Ever felt like something's missing in your life? That nagging 'is this it?' feeling? I know many dads out there wrestle with this from time to time.
My two cents? Consider diving into a side project. It's been a game-changer for me.
Now, I won't sugarcoat it. Over the past 9 years, I've dabbled in more side projects than I've had hot dinners.
From the rollercoaster of Forex trading to my (failed) stint selling yoga mats on Amazon. But then came video-making, which, let's just say, I manage to do slightly better than peddling stuff on Amazon.
Moral of the story? Don't bank on your first project being a roaring success, but cherish the journey.
It’s Definitely Better Now
I don’t find being a dad easy by any stretch of the imagination, but I do love being so involved with my kids.
I couldn’t imagine swanning off down the pub every evening and then arriving home to them asleep.
My daughter came up to me the other day with something she wanted to share. I won't spill the beans here, because she trusted me enough to keep it between us.
To be honest, I wasn't thrilled about what she said, but the fact that she thought she could spill her guts to me - That felt unreal.
We ended up talking for a solid 20 minutes. She just chatted about all kinds of stuff. And you know what capped it off? A nice cuddle session watching ‘Goosebumps’.
I really want my kids to feel like they can talk to me, and I think that’s one of the benefits of being a real hands-on dad. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I think being a dad now has the potential to being so much more rewarding than any other time in history and so many dads are doing a fucking amazing job.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.
I certainly don't have all the answers when it comes to fatherhood, but I genuinely hope my experiences and reflections offer you a bit of insight or, at the very least, some food for thought.
Hope you have a great weekend tidying the house ;)