I don’t mean my kids this time.
This week I’m talking about adults. Fully grown humans with working brains (in theory) who somehow make the most basic conversations weirdly hard. People who don’t say what they think. People who overthink everything. People who ask you a question and then look offended when you actually answer.
For years, I thought, Why is this so complicated? Why don’t people just think and communicate like I do?
Then I read Surrounded by Idiots—and as much as the title sounds like something someone shouts in traffic—it actually gave me some serious insight into how people work.
I am a red/yellow, I think…
The book breaks personalities down into four colour types. It’s not hard science—more of a simplified model for understanding how people tick. Great for people like me who love an “aha” moment over an academic reference.
Here’s the rundown:
- Red – Direct, decisive, straight-talking. Wants results, not small talk.
- Yellow – Big energy, loves ideas, chatty, always vibing.
- Green – Reliable, calm, avoids conflict. Keeps the peace at all costs.
- Blue – Logical, data-driven, needs structure. The spreadsheet is their happy place.
Most of us are a mix of a couple. I’m definitely Red-Yellow. I like clarity, I move fast, I enjoy bouncing around ideas. I don’t shy away from a good back-and-forth—I actually enjoy it.
So when people avoid giving an opinion, or delay decisions, or need ten extra steps to do something simple, I’ve always found that hard to get my head around.
But reading this book helped me understand—they’re not wrong, they’re just not me.
Seeing People Clearly for the First Time
The more I read, the more I could feel those little lightbulbs going off.
That one friend who always needs time to process before replying? Blue.
The person who seems to agree with everyone but never fully commits? Green.
The mate who starts five stories and finishes none? Big Yellow energy.
And I started to realise—it’s not that these people are avoiding me or trying to be difficult. They just operate differently.
It especially helped me understand Greens—people I always thought were holding something back. Turns out, they’re just conflict-averse by nature. They want harmony.
They’re not hiding an opinion; they’re trying not to ruffle feathers. Knowing that changed how I approach them. I’ve stopped interpreting silence as resistance, and started seeing it as someone who just needs a bit more space to feel safe speaking up.
That shift—from “why are they doing this?” to “this makes sense now”—has changed a lot for me.
One Note: It’s Not the Full Picture
While I did get a lot from the book, I think it’s worth mentioning something that bugged me a bit.
It doesn’t really factor in neurodiversity or mental health. There’s no mention of things like ADHD, autism, anxiety, or trauma—and those obviously play a massive role in how people show up, communicate, and process the world.
So, it’s not a perfect lens. And it definitely shouldn’t be used to box people in or assume you’ve “figured them out.” But as a loose framework for navigating everyday communication? It’s really helpful. Especially if you’re someone who often finds yourself frustrated that people don’t think or behave like you.
Just treat it like a map, not the full territory.
It’s Helped Me as a Parent, Too
One of the biggest wins has been using this lens with my kids.
Both of them have completely different ways of reacting to life. One is very logical and needs structure. The other is more emotional and needs connection. I used to get stuck trying to treat every situation the same—and then wondering why one kid would bounce back quickly while the other melted down over a sock.
Now, I try to meet them where they are. Speak in their language, not mine. Be more flexible. More understanding. It’s not perfect (we’re still a regular family with tantrums, bickering and chaos), but it has helped me slow down and think about how I respond.
The World Looks Different After This
What surprised me is how quickly this stuff starts showing up in everyday life.
The person who triple-checks every detail on a WhatsApp message? Blue.
The one who says, “I’m happy with whatever” but definitely isn’t? Green.
The friend who forgets plans but turns up with snacks and ten stories? Yellow.
And instead of getting annoyed, you start to think: OK, I see you now.
It doesn’t mean you let everyone off the hook for bad behaviour—but it does mean you understand it better. And in relationships, understanding is everything.
The Takeaway
Most people aren’t difficult because they’re bad people. They’re just different people.
We all bring our own operating systems to the table. This book helped me realise that I was expecting everyone else to run on mine—and getting annoyed when they didn’t.
Now, I take a beat. I adjust. I try to speak their language instead of forcing mine.
Surrounded by Idiots isn’t perfect. It’s not going to fix all your relationships or give you a magic formula for parenting. But it gives you a starting point—a way to be more empathetic, more curious, and maybe a bit less reactive.
And that? That’s worth its weight in colour-coded gold.
Link to book – Amazon link
