Being a dad has been a far crazier ride than I ever could have imagined.
I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I wasn't quite prepared for the madness that has unfolded before my eyes over the last nine years.
I'm still working every day to become a better parent, so here are four things I've learned.
1. It Feels Really Shit Losing Your Temper With Your Kids
Patience has never been my strong suit, and it's something I've had to work on a lot since becoming a dad. One of the toughest experiences for me is when I've raised my voice at my kids unfairly.
Yes, they can be challenging, and sometimes a stern tone is called for,but the guilt I feel when I've overreacted is overwhelming.
We're all human, and losing patience is something that happens to all parents. But I'm making it my utmost priority to minimize these instances in the future.
I recently came across a quote that struck a chord with me:
'The problem with most parents is they have forgotten what it’s like to be a kid.'
This made me realize that much of my kids' behaviour is normal for their age—it's just part of growing up. They aren’t especially misbehaved, they're just being kids.
Keeping this perspective has helped lower my frustration levels,especially during challenging moments like tantrums over seemingly trivial shit.
For example, my 4-year-old recently lost her walkie-talkie, and it felt like the world was ending for her. I was getting so frustrated inside but stopped myself,remembering how important it was to her, and responded more calmly.
I'm far from perfect, but I feel like I'm moving in the right direction.
2. Picking Your Battles is Crucial
I'm learning the importance of picking my battles as each day passes.
There are days when my kids' behavior feels like it requires constant intervention. However, I've found that the more I try to control them, the less they listen.
I recently read an insightful article on Fatherly that discusses this exact topic. The gist is to allow your children some autonomy in making minor decisions throughout the day.
This approach gives them a sense of control and helps you avoid becoming the parent who nags incessantly.
Consequently, they are more likely to listen when it's crucial.
For instance, my 9-year-old daughter sometimes wants to wear odd outfits in public.
While it might not be my choice, I've learned to let it go as it's a minor issue where she can have some control.
Likewise,messiness is a pet peeve of mine, but as I write this, our 4-year-old is building a great big destructive den in my front room.
I’m finding this so challenging to keep quiet, but she's enjoying herself, so I'll let her have her fun and ‘we'll’ clean up together afterward (well probably just me)
Adopting a more relaxed approach has already made a difference in how my kids respond to me,especially when it comes to important matters.
3. There's a Lot About Parenting I Find Very Challenging
Parenting is often described with adjectives like hard, relentless, thankless, monotonous, and selfless.
Before I ventured into social media to share my experiences as a dad, I thought we must be doing something terribly wrong or have particularly difficult kids.
Many parenting pages on social media portray only the rosy aspects, which, let's be honest,make up maybe 10% of the real experience.
Since starting my page, I've spoken to hundreds, if not thousands, of parents who share feelings of extreme guilt for not enjoying every aspect of parenting.
But let's face it, are we expected to enjoy being vomited on, enduring sleepless nights, facing constant backchat (despite our best efforts), having a restricted social life, and constantly worrying?
I love my girls more than anything, but it's brutally hard at times.
Anything fulfilling requires hard work, and parenting is no exception.
Don't let the 'I love every moment with my children' crowd tell you otherwise.
4. Stay at Home Parents Are Heros
After our first child was born, I admit I wasn't always understanding when I came home from work to a messy house. My typical reaction was something along the lines of..
'I've been at work all day, and I come home to this dump!'
However, after spending full days at home taking care of the kids, I've realized it's exponentially more challenging than my day job.
Work has become a sort of retreat for me, and I wouldn't dare complain about a messy house now.
In reality, my wife has probably cleaned that room at least four times during the day!
An interesting statistic I came across states that taking care of kids all day at home is considered 2.3 times harder than a regular job. It certainly bloody feels that way.
Let's Keep the Conversation Going…
Parenting is a journey filled with so many ups and downs, and I think it's crucial that we share our experiences, both good and bad.
I've shared some of my lessons and realizations, and now I'd love to hear yours.
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Share Your Stories: Have you had similar experiences or epiphanies in your parenting journey? Get in touch and share your stories with me.
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